Sometimes we know, sometimes we don’t
Sometimes we’re strong, sometimes we’re wrong
Sometimes we cry
Sometimes its bad when the going gets tough
We look in the mirror and we want to give up
Sometimes we don’t even think we’ll try
Sometimes we cry
Lyric from “Sometimes We Cry”
By: Van Morrison
Most of my adult life I haven’t considered myself a crier. I could acknowledge when I was sad and I could feel the proverbial lump in my throat. My eyes might get a tear but the cry, the burst of emotion, the release, it didn’t come. I never thought about it as being a “bad” thing. In fact, I thought it was very powerful of me. To be able to hold it together when others were falling apart. Or to pretend that someone or something didn’t hurt my feelings.
What I came to learn was that those tears didn’t go away. Slowly, over time I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. It became harder to hold them back. I always felt I was on the verge of crying. But a part of me said “stop it, what’s wrong with you” I would tell myself to be strong. It just never felt ok to cry. Not only because I felt ashamed and embarrassed but I didn’t want other people to be uncomfortable. Even in private I wouldn’t let it come. I might start but then I’d judge myself and stop.
When I was young I can remember being told “don’t you cry or I’ll give you something to cry about” and even “that’s enough” when crying for to long. So I guess
I learned early on that crying wasn’t acceptable and it made people uncomfortable.
I know I am not the only one who learned this. I see many people who are the same way. In fact It gets passed down from generation. Men were taught that it is not ok or masculine to cry and if women are to cry, they should do it in private. People have many different beliefs about crying based on their perceptions and family dynamic.
As I went through my experiential holistic education, I was often surprised to see how much repressed emotion was not only inside me but my class mates as well. I had to be coached to “let it go” I had to be told “that it’s ok” and over time the lump in my throat dissolved and the tears came. It was then that I started to feel connected ~ really connected to myself and other people.
I wondered what kind of closeness I had missed out on with my family and friends. I still notice myself holding back my feelings for my family. Just writing this brings the tears and I feel the lump in my throat.
In my practice, My motto is “the truth is in the tears” Nothing shows more truth than when someone cries. It shows me what needs to be addressed. It brings momentum to the healing process.
Maybe I should take my own advice. My tears bring my truth and the truth is I love my family, more than they will ever know and even though it may be embarrassing to show it and uncomfortable to be around it the truth is……
Sometimes we cry!