The child seemed like just a normal kid that struggled in school. The parents weren’t concerned – they were confused. The parents remembered when they were in school. Some classes were easy, some were hard, but in the end it all worked out. They graduated, got a job, and the rest, as they say, “is history.“

Now they can’t understand why their child can’t get it together. Lazy, angry, moody and just plain unmotivated, is how they describe their child.

They have given their child everything they wanted and needed to make their life better. Certainly better than they had it. So why isn’t their child happy and embracing that?

*********

The child sits in my office, unsure of why they’re there. Everything seems overwhelming and they want it to stop. But they won’t tell me that. Their guard is up, the answers to my questions are short.

I know that behind their wall, is pain. This pain is personal.

The child has been making decisions about themselves based on all that they have been seeing, hearing and observing since birth. This has anchored limiting and core beliefs about themselves.  Family, teachers, television, coaches, peers, etc. have contributed….. unknowingly.  Thoughts of “I’m stupid” “I’m ugly” “I’m unlovable” “I can’t, so why try” “It’s never good enough” and hundreds of others run through their minds as truth.

Pressures and expectations weigh heavily on their fragile body, mind, and heart. Unequipped to handle this, it shows up in various ways. Grades, eating disorders, cutting, depressed feelings, sleeping, moodiness, etc. They try anything to get the pain to stop. Even if only a temporary solution.

Parental frustration only adds to the problem and an unhealthy relationship is born. The child hates themselves, their behavior and the extra burdens. The parents are at their wits end.

So what do you do?

Addressing the pain is the only way to heal. Providing your child with a safe place to express their feelings, while keeping your own judgment out of it.

You see, your child shouldn’t have to protect or parent you. They just want to be heard and accepted. They need to be reminded of their uniqueness, and most importantly, they need to know that they matter.

Your child wants to talk, but their confusion and insecurities hold them back. They fear judgment and disapproval.

None of this is about blaming or judging your parenting skills. It is to suggest that there may be another way to help your child.

Here are a few suggestions and questions to get started.

• Start by looking at your own fears and how they are affecting your child.
• Notice if what you want for your child is really what they want.
• Are you assuming you know how they feel and what they need?
• Do you try to fix a problem instead of just listening?

It’s not always easy to be neutral when it comes to your child so it may be helpful to find a professional.

Look for an alternative practitioner that understands this holistic approach, and is using new and effective techniques. Look for someone who will not only teach your child extremely useful coping skills but address and heal the core pain as well. Look for someone your child feels safe with.

Often times parents will need a little help too. Because they were also children, and they too may have less than positive beliefs about themselves.

Remember, there is hope, there is help.

I am one of those people who likes to do things myself. I am usually thinking….. “why pay someone to do something when I can do it myself”

Whether it’s painting the house, cleaning, or repairing something. I feel capable, so why not?

The thing is, I also feel this way about my emotional and mental health. I figure since I am so smart and helpful to other people I surely can help myself.

What I have learned is.. When your ‘in it’ it is really hard to see things objectively. We have a set of core beliefs that drive our thoughts and ultimately our behaviors. We often feel powerless to stop the things that drive us crazy. We can’t get out of our own way and we end up saying “I know I have a problem but I don’t know how to fix it”. This process can end up making us feel like failures. Leading us to believe that there is something wrong with us. We should be perfect….. Right?

It’s very easy to get caught up in this cycle and it will manifest in unhealthy behaviors. The constant negative chatter in your mind will drive you to do things to try and make it stop. Then your problem now becomes bigger.

So, what can you do?

Well, obviously you can seek help. Getting a new perspective and understanding of why you do what you do. Finding out what is driving your behaviors and changing or healing them.

But, If your like me and want to do it yourself, then your going to have to make some radical changes in your life and pay attention to what your feeling. It’s not easy. It takes looking at your self as honestly as you can. It takes asking others for feedback and really listening. It takes reading, learning and lots of experiential exercises. It takes work.

Does that sound too hard?

Well, sometimes it is. There are times when even do it yourselfers like me need help.

I love using my own experience to help others. I know change is not easy but it can be fun, exciting and interesting. (yes, I said fun!) I am always honored when someone chooses to go on their journey with me. It may be just be for a kick start or for the long haul, either way you will learn that behind all the ‘problems’ is a beautiful soul trying to escape. Wanting to ‘be’ all that it knows it can.

Are you feeling frustrated, stuck and overwhelmed? Are you tired of feeling alone in your quest for peace and well being? Are you blaming all your outside problems for your inside problems? Are you thinking “if only”? I understand and I can help. Call me today, start change tomorrow. 858.382.4576

I was recently told about a book called ’29 Gifts’ as well as its accompanying website. Intrigued, I checked it out. I watched the video on the home page and  thought it was a great story and a great idea. I wondered though, “Can conscious giving really change your life?”   I decided to take the challenge.

On the first day as I thought about how I could give, what is giving,  what counts as giving and so on. I discovered that I already give alot.  However, I had no idea…or at least not consciously aware of it. I just do what I do. 

In my mind, I thought I wasn’t a giver at all.  Hence the intrigue of the challenge.

On the very first day of the conscious giving challenge, I received a gift.  A gift that will change how I view myself and will indeed change my life.

So, can conscious giving change your life? I certainly think so.

I invite you to take the challenge and be sure and let me know how it goes.  www.29gifts.org

?This clip features college baseball champion Jorge Reyes tapping on himself during a high-stakes finals game. EFT in Sports Jorge was taught EFT by a remarkable sports coach, Greg Warburton. After learning EFT, Jorge and the Oregon State baseball team won the College World Series – then went on to win it an unprecedented second time!

EFT is slowly making its way into professional and college sports, thanks to the efforts of coaches like Greg. Greg and I did a study at Oregon State University in which basketball players were randomized into an EFT group and a placebo group. The group that received EFT scored 38% better on free throws after just 15 minutes of EFT! Greg has gone on to train numerous college golf, tennis, basketball, and other sportspeople in the basics of EFT, and some of these athletes are becoming professional sports stars.

Do you want to learn EFT? Call me today! 858.382.4576

Would of, Could of, Should of. The three statements you would rather not be mumbling. If they are part of your regular vocabulary then you may have some work to do. Living life with regret, excuses or guilt, blind you from getting what you really want in life.

As a coach I hear “I should of” or “I would have, but…” Instead of drowning in what has already been said and done, take responsibility. The sooner you do this. The sooner you will have complete control over your life. You and only you can choose, decide and take action. You have heard the question “what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” Any roadblock keeping you from what you want tells us that a fear is in place. Fear of losing love, fear of losing money, fear of failing, fear, fear, FEAR!

Living life through fear is the opposite of living life through love. And since “only love is real” then everything else is false. This may sound crazy or untrue to some, but try imagining for a moment what it would be like if you all-out followed your inner guidance, your secret dream…. We have the tendency to imagine what we will lose, not gain.

Is fear more powerful than the thought of pursuing your inner dreams. In most cases the answer is simply yes. The question is, how do we overcome that fear? Imagine what it would be like to have all those doubts and unsure thoughts disappear. What if I were to tell you that it is possible? Does that thought scare you?

I am reminded of the poem from’ A return to Love’ by Marianne Williamson, particularly the beginning,

Our deepest fear

is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear

is that we are strong beyond measure.

You are more than you think; stronger, wiser, smarter… Take a deep breath and begin to ponder the thought of your life with out fear. Now, pick up the phone and tell me what you discovered. I will help you release your fears and uncover your true self.

6 to 12 month transformational coaching now available. 858.382.4576

I have a theory about happiness. I believe the “happy feeling” comes from putting down all your baggage. It comes from letting go of your false and limiting beliefs. It comes from forgiving the people who have hurt you and forgiving yourself.

It comes from healing.

It’s those moments when you are free of the anger of your past and the anxiety of your future — when you are living completely in the moment.

That is where true happiness is.

The more I heal, the easier it is to be in the moment and for me to experience “the happy feeling” more often.

As you heal your stuff, who you really are starts to emerge and you will find that you are happier, for no reason at all, because that is your natural state.

Consider some of the questions below.

• Are you still angry about something that happened in your past?
• Is there someone that you need to forgive so that you can have peace?
• Is there a fear that keeps you in a constant state of stress?

Now, put some attention on the good stuff.

• Can you name 5 things that make you happy…that you have control of?

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.  Guillaume Apollinaire

We really do create our confrontations and dramas in an attempted to heal our pain.

I know this may be hard to wrap your head around but its true.

We seek to be heard and understood but instead of being honest and vulnerable about our hurt and pain we react in a scared and defensive way.

Obviously this leads to more misunderstanding, anger and hurt feelings. None of this would be necessary if we would take responsibility for our own wounds.

“But I don’t have any wounds” you say. I can tell you this: if your relationships are not as close as you would like , if you are yearning for more, then you have wounds.

So, what do you do?

Stop pointing the finger at another person for your pain. Your feelings are yours. Learn to express them honestly. Come from the truth of your heart.

Look in the mirror and take responsibility for your own feelings and remember you feel the way you feel because of “old” wounds not because of what is currently happening. The current situation is being created as a gift for you to heal.

Will you accept the gift?

Sometimes we’re not ready, and that’s ok because the gifts will continue to come. Hopefully one day you will be ready to receive them.

You’ve  heard of the armchair quaterback? That guy sitting on his couch yelling out plays and opinions to the TV.  Well, I do that! Although its not sports that I am interested in. Nope, Its talk shows and reality tv. I can hardly watch without  making comments. As I watch I imagine sweeping in like wonder woman and tapping away  peoples pain.

I watched Meredith Baxter on Oprah the other day. Over and over she experienced pain from her past and I said to know one ” She should call me I could totally help her with that”. I watch Celebrity Rehab and I yell at Dr Drew ” you should TAP NOW”. The truth is I hate to see people suffering, especially when I know EFT would help them.

The thing is, there are so many great new energy psychology techniques available to use today and it seems a lot of people are still stuck in the old paradigm of therapy.  Today, you don’t have to keep re-experiencing the pain of past traumas. There is a kinder, gentler way to heal.