The other night I was pretty angry. How did I know? Well, for one thing I was shaking inside. For another, I wanted to cuss and hit something. I also wanted to cry. To me, I labeled this angry. So what did I do about it?
Not a thing.
Because for me anger is not ok. Oh sure I can tell others to express it. I can coach someone through an anger release, but for me, my inner “spiritual” judge says “I should know better”
This is what Christian Pankhurst calls “Spiritual Bypassing” and I am a master at it. Discounting my feelings and judging them because “I’m spiritual”. When in fact, the feeling, the “raw physical sensation” as I just learned from Dr. Eric Robins needs to be expressed. Whether that’s through something intense and loud, or quiet and focused.
What I am learning, is to give myself the same care and space as I would a client. You see, I believed that to be a spiritual coach I had to be above humanness. That all “negative” feelings needed to be transformed not expressed and that my friends is a big load to carry.
I have also realized that this is a very strong pattern for me and one of the reasons I am doing what I do. My ability to not react, I believed, was a skill and presence worth sharing. So here I am at another place of expansion and through my own experience can share with you some tried and true processes.
Here are couple of tips for working through emotions when your pattern is to either ignore them or spiritually bypass them.
First, Just notice that you are feeling something. witness your feelings as a bystander would. just observe without giving meaning to it. You see, this is where we get off track, giving meaning to a feeling. When we start adding meaning to our feelings we can make them worse. Adding fuel to fire so to speak. So I invite you to notice where the feeling is, put your hand on the area if you like. Then take a deep breath. Continue to breathe as you also visualize the energy moving towards an exit place on your body. You can also start tapping. whatever style you are comfortable with.
If it feels like it needs intense expression, take it to a pillow. Go some place you can feel safe and let it out. This is about letting the physical feelings move through your body. Hit the pillow or scream in the pillow. This is to let it come out so that you feel better. (like throwing up) you just want it to come out. Be conscious of the fact that the process is to move to a better feeling place. NOT to go into a story or connecting with your pain body and staying there.
I know this is not easy. Especially if you are not comfortable with expressing or you have mastered suppression. But keep practicing. keep moving in the direction of what you are really wanting.
Leave your head out of it. no thinking, no figuring out. just be with it, notice it , feel it, and breathe it through.
Resisting the feeling ultimately feels worse. We will play the scenario over and over in our heads looking for some relief with a thought. Or the popular distraction technique, a drink, some food, online shopping etc. We can be decieved by this because we feel like we are over it but in fact it is temporally being housed in your body mind somewhere. Thats when it shows up later as a physical manifestation of pain or sickness.
There a many reasons a person will refrain from acknowledging their emotions. All of us have our own structure, very well crafted to keep us safe. So, with that understanding see if you can start to practice expressing your emotions (the ones you resist) in little bits. Its like trying anything new. Take your time and practice.
If you need help or guidance, call me today, start change tomorrow.